I have a number of clients who come to me for one-2-one sessions on issues at work. Most have a fairly senior position within their company and many have difficulties with their boss or a colleague.
I believe most people want to be respected by their colleagues, whether it's their boss or one of their peers, and probably everyone wants to work in a harmonious workplace. So why are there so many people struggling with conflict at work?
It generally comes down to personalities, learnt behaviour, how we handle stress and what’s happening in our home life that determines our day to day demenour.
However did you know that about 90% of our behaviour is controlled by the subconscious, meaning that we are only truly in control of our actions one tenth of the time.
I had one particular client who seemed to clash with many of her leaders. She does have high expectations of those around her however even higher ones of herself - most of all she wants to be treated with respect, with honesty - the way she treats others.
I remember myself as a junior executive in a thriving PR agency in Durban (S. Africa) many years ago. I had a dreadful boss and she made my life a misery. Everyone commented on her behaviour behind her back, but no-one confronted her. She was married to our number one client - if she wasn't however, would anyone have done anything about it? In the end I resigned. The injustice I felt was incredible.
So what makes a good leader? There are seven main attributes:
1. Show concern for others.
2. Seen as communicator plus net worker.
3. Trust others to lead.
4. Honest and consistent.
5. Accessible, approachable and flexible.
6. Decisive, determined, results driven and take risks.
7. Draw people together via Vision.
Everyone has stress in their lives, but not everyone deals with it in a constructive way. Business leaders especially must learn how to manage their stress effectively so that their companies, employees and their own personal lives don’t end up eroding as a consequence.
What can Bill Gates, Richard Branson and Steve Jobs teach us about managing stress?
Late Apple co-founder Steve Jobs, for instance, took a Zen-like approach and advised those with busy minds to slow down in order to find calm and clarity. He uses meditation.
A client emailed me this morning about meditating and if I did? I do. She also asked if it was a 'waste of time if you felt restless or wanted to move and stretch?' I replied that it wasn't a waste of time and sometimes we're simply not in the mood, and that's okay. I explained that I often meditate or listen to one of my personal short audio's - just five minutes each morning. Five minutes of pure relaxation; of feeling good about myself; daydreaming... it's utterly invaluable.
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Irena-Marie is a mind management and therapeutic coach. She specialises in performance, accelerated learning, self awareness, creativity and well-being.